Balancing the desire to fit in with the need to be ourselves and belong.
As an adult, making new connections isn’t as simple as it was in childhood or early adulthood. This is even more difficult for us as expats and immigrants, who often face the dual challenges of adjusting to a new environment and building a social network from scratch - in a new country, in a new culture, with a new language!
You might find yourself struggling to build a social network, feeling isolated, and battling homesickness. Yet, forming meaningful friendships is crucial for your mental health and overall well-being.
So, how can you navigate this complex process of building authentic connections while staying true to yourself?
This article will explore the intricacies of making friends as an expat, delve into the psychology behind adult friendships, and offer practical strategies to help you form lasting, meaningful connections in your new home.
You have the opportunity to meet diverse individuals and form enriching relationships. However, the process can also bring up insecurities, fears of rejection, and feelings of inadequacy.
Friendships play a crucial role in mental health, providing emotional support, a sense of belonging, and a buffer against stress. According to a study by Holt-Lunstad et al. (2015), strong social connections are associated with a 50% increased likelihood of survival, highlighting the importance of friendships for both mental and physical health. For expats, having a supportive social network can significantly reduce feelings of isolation and homesickness, making the transition to a new country smoother.
The Meaning of Friendship as an Adult
What makes friendships different in adulthood?
Friendships in adulthood are fundamentally different from those we form in our younger years. As children, friendships often develop naturally through shared activities and environments, such as school or sports. However, as adults, we become more selective and intentional about who we allow into our lives. Similar to childhood, we have different "levels" or categories of friends. However, friendships are often based on deeper emotional connections, shared values & opinions and mutual respect.
Why It Gets Difficult to Make Friends as an Adult?
Making friends as an adult is inherently more challenging than in earlier stages of life. One reason is that adults have more responsibilities, such as careers, family obligations, and personal goals, leaving less time for socializing. Additionally, adults tend to be more cautious about who they let into their lives, often preferring quality over quantity in friendships. This selectiveness can make it harder to form new connections, especially in a foreign environment.
Adults tend to be more cautious about who they let into their lives, often preferring quality over quantity in friendships.
The Number of Friends We Make and Lose Over Our Lifetime
Interestingly, research suggests that we make and lose friends throughout our lives in patterns. A study by Luhmann et al. (2016) found that the number of friends we have peaks in our mid-twenties and gradually declines as we age. This decline can be attributed to life changes such as moving to a new country, getting married, or having children. For expats, the process of losing old friends and struggling to make new ones can be particularly pronounced.
The Psychological Challenges of Making Friends as an Expat
The Pretty and Ugly Sides of Making Friends as an Expat
The journey of making friends abroad can be both rewarding and challenging. On the bright side, you have the opportunity to meet diverse individuals and form enriching relationships. However, the process can also bring up insecurities, fears of rejection, and feelings of inadequacy. It's essential to acknowledge both the positive and negative aspects of this journey and approach it with a balanced mindset.
Fitting In vs. Belonging
One of the biggest challenges of making friends as an expat is balancing the desire to fit in with the need to be ourselves and belong. Fitting in often means adjusting your behaviour to meet the expectations of others, which can sometimes lead to losing touch with your authentic self. Belonging, on the other hand, is about finding people who accept you for who you are. Research shows that a sense of belonging is closely linked to positive mental health outcomes, including reduced anxiety and depression.
The Social Psychology of Friendships
Social psychology offers valuable insights into how friendships are formed and maintained. Proximity and repeated interactions, known as the "mere exposure effect," increase the likelihood of forming friendships. However, as an expat, you might not have the luxury of repeated exposure to the same people. This is where intentionality comes in—you need to actively seek out opportunities to meet new people and cultivate those connections.
Building Authentic Connections: Strategies for Expats
Personal Identity and Authenticity
When building friendships as an expat, it’s crucial to stay true to yourself. Authenticity means embracing your unique qualities and values, even if they differ from those of the people around you. Research shows that people who maintain authenticity in their social interactions are more likely to experience higher levels of well-being and satisfaction in the long term in their relationships.
The Role of Being Yourself
While it might be tempting to adapt your personality to fit in with new social circles, it’s important to remember that true friendships are built on authenticity. Being yourself not only attracts people who appreciate you for who you are, but it also ensures that the friendships you form are genuine and lasting.
This is where intentionality comes in—you need to actively seek out opportunities to meet new people and intentionally build those connections.
Strategies to Form Connections:
Join Local Groups and Communities: Engage in activities and communities that align with your interests and values. This could be anything from joining a sports club to participating in a language exchange or volunteering. These environments provide natural opportunities to meet like-minded individuals and foster connections based on shared interests.
Attend Networking Events: Attend local events, workshops, and networking opportunities where you can meet other expats and locals. These settings allow you to connect with people who are also looking to expand their social circles.
Be Open and Approachable: Approach new situations with an open mind and a friendly attitude. Smile, make eye contact, and be willing to initiate conversations. Small gestures can go a long way in making others feel comfortable and open to forming a connection.
Utilize Social Media and Online Platforms: Leverage social media and expat-specific online platforms to connect with people in your area. Many expat communities have online groups where you can find information about local meetups, events, and social gatherings.
Be Patient and Persistent: Building friendships takes time, especially in a new country. Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight. Continue putting yourself out there and nurturing the connections you make.
Conclusion: Embrace the Journey of Making Friends as an Expat
Finding friends as an expat is a journey filled with both challenges and rewards. It requires patience, persistence, and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone. By staying true to yourself, embracing your uniqueness, and actively seeking out opportunities to connect with others, you can build meaningful and lasting friendships in your new home.
If you're struggling to make friends or feeling isolated as an expat, consider joining our upcoming workshop, "Building Authentic Connections: Finding Friends as an Expat." This workshop is designed to provide practical strategies, psychological insights, and a supportive community to help you navigate the challenges of making friends in a new country.
Don’t miss this opportunity to connect with others who are on the same journey as you. Check out the upcoming workshop in Gothenburg and register today!
References:
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497-529.
Fehr, B. (1996). Friendship processes. SAGE Publications.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2015). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
Luhmann, M., Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2016). Loneliness and social behaviors in a virtual social environment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 110(2), 256-267.
Sheldon, K. M., Ryan, R. M., Rawsthorne, L. J., & Ilardi, B. (1997). Trait self and true self: Cross-role variation in the big five personality traits and its relations with psychological authenticity and subjective well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(6), 1380-1393.
Zajonc, R. B. (1968). Attitudinal effects of mere exposure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 9(2p2), 1.
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