Self-Care During Layoffs: A Compassionate Guide for Expats and Immigrants
Losing a job and facing the possibility of unemployment is a profoundly unsettling experience, often bringing uncertainty, financial stress, and a shaken sense of self-worth. As expats and immigrants, these challenges are multiplied by visa dependencies, isolation from support networks, and cultural differences in how job loss is perceived and discussed.
During this time, it does not count as self-care if you light a candle or stick affirmations to you laptop while you still struggle with guilt, stress and overwhelm when applying for jobs or networking at every moment possible. Self-care is about building emotional strength and resilience, fostering self-compassion, and navigating uncertainty with clarity and intention.
Why is this important?
For starters, it helps to keep you mentally and physically healthy, so you have the energy and strength to start with your new job and overcome all the challenges that come with it.
More importantly, self-care is crucial to keep you going every day, regardless of your employment status.
This guide, rooted in psychology and psychotherapy principles, offers a thoughtful, research-backed approach to self-care during layoffs.
1. Acknowledge the Emotional Impact
Layoffs often trigger a storm of emotions—shock, grief, shame, fear, and even relief (yes, it’s possible to feel both scared and relieved). It’s important to acknowledge and validate these feelings rather than dismissing them as "negative" , "unhelpful" , "not important" or "fluff."
Why it matters:
When we face any situation of danger or loss, that could threaten our life in anyway, our "threat system" becomes activated. Layoffs activate this system, making us hyper-aware of ALL potential risks. While this reaction is natural and often considered helpful because it pushes us to prepare for the worst cases; it can also overwhelm us with an endless "to-do" list and research. To balance this, it is essential to engage our "soothing system" to keep us moving forward instead of running in a threat loop. All of us have our soothing system that can be activated with practice and self-awareness.
Self-compassion—offering ourselves the same kindness we would offer a friend—can help activate this system.
What you can do:
Name your emotions: Instead of saying, "I’m so overwhelmed," try, "I’m feeling anxious because I’m unsure of what’s next." Naming emotions reduces their intensity and helps the brain process them.
Soothing self-talk: Imagine how you would speak to a friend in this position. Instead of, "I’m such a failure," or "I should have worked harder" try, "This is a really tough situation, and it’s okay to feel lost right now."
Here is an exercise:
Picture someone who is warm, kind, and understanding (this could be a friend, family member, mentor, or even an imagined compassionate figure).
Ask yourself:
“What would this compassionate person say to me right now?”
“How would they treat me in this moment?”
Write it down: What words or actions of kindness do you imagine?
Example: “They’d remind me that I’m doing my best, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time.”
2. Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts
Losing a job can bring thoughts like, "I’m a failure" or "I’ll never get hired again." These cognitive distortions—patterns of thinking that aren't completely based on reality—can fuel feelings of hopelessness and anxiety.
Why it matters:
Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are connected with eachother. This means that what you think affects how you feel and behave. If you believe "I’m a failure" or "I'm not good enough" you’re more likely to avoid job applications, downplay yourself at networking events or isolate yourself from others. By challenging these thoughts, you can create space for more balanced, helpful thinking.
What you can do:
Identify the distortion: Ask yourself, "Is this thought 100% true? What’s the evidence against it?" If you think, "I’ll never find a job," reflect on past experiences where you’ve succeeded despite challenges.
Reframe the thought: Instead of "I’ll never get hired again," try, "Finding a job will take time, and I’ve overcome challenges like this before."
Use compassionate thinking: Remember that layoffs are often about business decisions, not personal inadequacy. Remind yourself, "This is not a reflection of my worth."
Here is a tool:
Use the below table to understand the different cognitive distortions (patterns of thinking that aren't completely based on reality) and how you can reframe it.
Cognitive Distortions and Reframing Them: Unemployment & Layoffs Edition
Cognitive Distortion | Description | Example Thought | Reframed Thought |
All-or-Nothing Thinking | Viewing situations in extremes, with no middle ground. | "If I don’t get this job, I’m a total failure." | "Not getting this job is disappointing, but it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I’ve succeeded in other areas before, and I can try again." |
Overgeneralization | Seeing a single negative event as a never-ending pattern. | "I got laid off; I’ll never find a stable job again." | "Losing this job is tough, but it doesn’t mean I’ll never find another opportunity. I’ve succeeded before, and I’ll work towards it again." |
Catastrophizing | Expecting the worst-case scenario to happen. | "If I don’t find a job soon, I’ll lose everything and end up homeless." | "I’m worried about finances, but I have support systems and steps I can take to improve my situation." |
Personalization | Taking excessive responsibility for external events. | "It’s my fault the company had to lay people off." | "Layoffs are a business decision, and I’m not solely responsible for this outcome." |
Mind Reading | Assuming you know what others think about you. | "Everyone must think I’m lazy because I’m unemployed." | "I don’t know what others think, but being unemployed doesn’t make me lazy. I’m actively looking for opportunities." |
Fortune Telling | Predicting a negative future without evidence. | "No one is going to hire me ever again." | "I can’t predict the future, but I’m putting effort into finding a job, and opportunities will come." |
Should Statements | Setting rigid rules or expectations for yourself. | "I should have seen this coming and prepared better." | "It’s easy to see things in hindsight. I did the best I could with the information I had at the time." |
Labeling | Defining yourself entirely by one negative event. | "I’m a failure because I lost my job." | "Losing my job doesn’t define me. I am capable, resilient, and worthy of success." |
Emotional Reasoning | Believing that your feelings reflect reality. | "I feel hopeless, so things must really be hopeless." | "I feel hopeless right now, but feelings aren’t facts. This moment will pass, and I can take small steps forward." |
Discounting the Positive | Ignoring or minimizing positive achievements. | "Sure, I got an interview, but it doesn’t really count unless I get the job." | "Getting an interview is an achievement and shows I have valuable skills to offer." |
3. Focus on What’s Within Your Control
When so much feels out of control (like visa renewals, financial constraints, job market fluctuations), it’s essential to identify areas where you do have influence. Acceptance Commitment Therapy emphasizes "accepting what’s out of your control and committing to actions that align with your values."
Why it matters:
When almost everything around feels out of control or unstable, feelings of hopelessness, helpless, loneliness and overwhelm are only natural. We try to change our job-search strategies to constantly match the market trends or even pressurise ourselves to be better than everyone else around us. Before you realise, it becomes difficult to get out of bed the morning after a networking event or you apply to multiple jobs on one day and the next day you don't have energy to make even a single meal - this is burnout.
To avoid getting to this stage, it helps to "accept what we cannot change" and "move toward valued action" despite discomfort. When you focus on actions that you can control - updating your resume, scheduling networking calls, or researching visa options - you are practising "committed action"
What you can do:
Identify your "circle of control": Draw two circles—"What I can control" and "What I can’t control." Place things like "my effort" and "updating my CV" in the first circle. Place things like "the job market" and "immigration policies" in the second.
Commit to small actions: Even small, 10-minute tasks—like updating one section of your resume or reaching out to one contact on LinkedIn—create momentum.
Practice acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It means acknowledging reality as it is, rather than resisting it. Tell yourself, "I may not like this situation, but I can still take action."
Here is a tool:
Committed Actions
Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. Write down values that resonate with you. Then for each value, brainstorm 1-2 small actions that you can take this week. Focus on actions that are within your control and meaningful to you.
Here is an example:
Value | Action |
Growth | Update your resume or LinkedIn profile. |
Connection | Reach out to a former colleague to catch up. |
Creativity | Spend 20 minutes journaling or drawing. |
Learning | Watch a free webinar or tutorial in your field. |
4. Protect Your Self-Worth
For expats, work often becomes a key part of identity, especially when living in a new country where social status and self-esteem are linked to employment. When a job is lost, it’s easy to feel "unworthy" or "not enough."
Why it matters:
Your self-worth should not be conditional on performance. Self-worth is intrinsic—it exists simply because you exist. When layoffs happen, it's crucial to separate your self-worth from your role as an "employee."
What you can do:
Revisit your values: Reflect on your deeper values. Are you kind, hardworking, creative, or resilient? Write a list of personal qualities you’re proud of.
Engage in self-affirming activities: Seek non-work activities that make you feel competent. Do these activities because you want to, not because they would help you prove something —learning a language, cooking a new meal, or supporting a friend.
Talk to loved ones: Hearing affirmations from people who care about you can remind you that your worth is more than your job title.
Here is a tool:
Use this free tool to identify your character strengths - Go to test
5. Reconnect with Community
Isolation during layoffs can feel suffocating, especially if you’re in a new country or living alone. Even when we are surrounded by people we care for or who care for us, it is difficult to explain how we feel. Shame often pushes people to keep it to themselves; guilt makes us feel like we don't want to burden others with our problems, but the connection is essential for emotional well-being.
Why it matters:
Humans are wired for connection. When we isolate ourselves or push people away because of our discomfort, the feelings of guilt and shame are reinforced, which further leads to isolation and helplessness. When we engage with people who we feel comfortable with, it helps to soothe our threat system, thereby balancing our insecurity with safety and encouraging us to take action towards things that truly matter.
What you can do:
Reach out to expat communities: Join online forums, local meetups, or WhatsApp groups where people in similar situations gather.
Share your experience: It’s tempting to "only share the good news" on social media. But sharing your experience with trusted friends can bring relief and connection.
Seek professional support: Consider therapy, where you’ll receive non-judgmental support and strategies tailored to your unique context as an expat.
6. Financial Self-Care: Address Money Worries
For expats and immigrants, layoffs can trigger immediate financial stress due to visa restrictions, lack of family support, or limited local financial knowledge.
What you can do:
Break down your budget: Identify essential vs. non-essential expenses.
Negotiate bills: Call providers to explore payment plans.
Use local support systems: Arbetsförmedlingen and Försäkringskassan offer financial aid for unemployed residents.
Explore temporary work: Freelancing, short-term gigs, or contract work may provide financial breathing room.
Final Thoughts
When you read through this, remember that each strategy supports one another - you cannot use them in isolation. If you practice one strategy, make sure to use the others together.
Self-care during layoffs is about more than "staying positive." It’s about accepting reality, soothing your mind, and taking small, values-driven steps toward the future. Whether it’s practicing self-compassion, challenging unhelpful thoughts, or taking bold steps despite fear, know that you’re not alone. If the road feels overwhelming, consider reaching out to a therapist, especially one familiar with the unique challenges faced by expats and immigrants.
Remember, your worth is not your job. Your next opportunity will come, and until then, you deserve to care for yourself with compassion and courage.
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